Monday, December 14, 2009

The Leafy Green Exception to the Rule

Boy Wonder is suffering from a malady I'm prone to myself: incessant complaining about life's minor hardships. In fact, I griped so much at his age that a childhood friend nicknamed me CC (that's short for "Chronic Complainer"). But Boy Wonder's complaints reached such a pervasive and useless level over the weekend that even I was forced to set limits. Complaining in the 500Jerk household is now for important and noteworthy problems only. Like uncontrolled aortic bleeding. Complaining about what's for dinner or where we go for ice cream means an instantaneous Legos recall and timeout on the stairs.

Here's how it went down after Boy Wonder complained that his first-grade teacher planned to show The Polar Express on Friday INSTEAD OF HAVING REAL SCHOOL, OH NOOOO:

500Jerk: Boy Wonder, you complain about way, WAY too many things. Seeing a movie instead of having school is A GOOD THING. You don't complain about that.

Boy Wonder: But * whiny voice* I don't like movies.

500 Jerk: Well, that's silly. Your complaining is now limited to important things only. Things that really matter. Like broken limbs. Fires. Fox in the henhouse. You get the picture, right?

Boy Wonder: I guess so. But *whiny voice* I don't like it.

500 Jerk: That's too bad. We've had enough of all your complaining. Let's make sure you understand. Give me an example of something worth complaining about.

Boy Wonder: *thinking hard (so much to choose from)*

Boy Wonder: *thinking hard*

Boy Wonder: *thinking very, very hard*

Boy Wonder: You can still complain about kale, right? I mean, kale is TERRIBLE.

So, OK, no leafy greens for dinner Chez 500Jerk. We'll just have to see how the rest of it goes.

No comments: