Both of my children had book reports due the day after Mother's Day. I just want to pause a moment to note that my son? Is a first-grader. In my experience, first-grade boys can barely follow directions to the bathroom and back, much less write five complete sentences about a story's beginning, middle, and end. Realistically speaking, book reports for first-graders are 99% homework for parents. And if Boy Wonder's teacher knew the parental time and conflict involved with his producing a posterboard filled with misshapen letters, misspelled words, smudges, and no pictures whatsoever, surely she would find it in her to just let us skip this exercise in frustration and give me a D already.
At any rate, we spent the better part of Sunday writhing in agony over these book reports. I'll spare you the gory details, but suffice to say, it was not one of my better parenting days. I was amused, however, with this evidence that my kids are growing up as Southerners:
500Jerk Spouse: Boy Wonder, thing is not spelled T-H-A-N-G. It is spelled T-H-I-N-G.
Boy Wonder: No, it's not.
500Jerk Spouse: Yes. Yes, it is.
Boy Wonder: Then why is the I pronounced as an A? It is THANG.
500Jerk Spouse: It is not. The I is pronounced as an I. It is THING.
Boy Wonder (incredulous): Thing? THING?
500Jerk Spouse: Yes, THING.
Boy Wonder: THING. Hunh. I never knewed that.