Monday, October 17, 2011

Questions to Which You Already Know the Answer

Following my return to the office after a quick afternoon run, it occurred to me there are a number of questions that don’t need answering. That the questions are purely rhetorical, absurd, or part of a larger argument and that the answers are obvious. To wit:

Do I smell as bad as I think do? This one has particular relevance in the office setting following afternoon exercise.

How does this look on me?   You really want to know?  LIKE CASING ON A SAUSAGE.  Next!

Did you feed the dog? The answer is no.  Always no. The dogs will, in fact, never be fed unless you do it yourself.

What are you wearing? Why do mothers ask this question?  Bite your tongue.

Does this taste funny? No need to verify.  Go with your gut.

Who forgot to flush the toilet? The answer is Timmy. It’s always Timmy.

My father-in-law liked to carry absurdity to the next level, following an offer of directions with the inevitable:

So when I get there, how will I know it’s you?

That’s easy. I’ll be the one with overpowering body odor, filling the airspace with inane questions.  Know what I mean?

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