Friday, November 22, 2013

Dear Universe

Dear Universe,
Given that I can't automate all your processes to take into account my personal preferences, I would like to state a few things for the record:

1. I never want a pickle with my sandwich. Never. Please save pickles for someone who does not mind ruinous pickle juice on their food. Related: No lemons with my water. Please!

2. No, I will not take the time to complete an online customer survey, no matter how nicely I'm solicited. I do things online to save time, not waste it on third-party marketing efforts.

3. I do not have any extra change. To be honest, I don't even have a quarter for a soda in my office lunch room. I'm sorry about that.

That is all.

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