A yeti, cousin to Bigfoot, was spotted for the first time this season on Circle Lake Drive in Lake Hills. Eyewitness accounts confirm this yeti is large and ponderous, favoring traditional garb marked with holes and stains. It walks heavily, stopping frequently to stretch and strike alarming poses.
Despite its many stops and measured pace, the yeti is curiously impatient. It does not wait for small children. It has no patience with dogs. It often complains about the heat. For the most part, however, yetis are known to be quite friendly. The Circle Lake yeti may insist on holding your hand while walking the street. It also points out wildlife with which it is familiar and, through its shouts of recognition, communicates a hope that you share its enthusiasm for the common grey squirrel.
As yet unconfirmed reports indicate that yetis have an indefatigable sweet tooth and feed voraciously late at night. Persons living in or near the Circle Lake area should take steps to hide their Scharffen-Berger and rugelach, perhaps leaving as a decoy a five-pound bag of Nestle chocolate chips from Kroger's overstock bin. EXERCISE EXTREME CAUTION in confronting this yeti about its eating habits; these confrontations typically lead only to lashing out, fits of pique, and intensified feeding.
Although traveling Circle Lake Drive is currently safe, we at 500Jerk will keep you informed if the situation changes.