A Day in the Life

3:00AM-3:30AM: Wake up suddenly. Toss, turn, fret.
3:30AM: Give up. Go downstairs and make coffee. Check e-mail and news.
3:45AM: Gnash teeth about falling S&P500.
4:00AM-6:44AM: Work, work, work.
6:45AM: Freak about time. Exhort children to get up and get dressed.
8:00AM: Head for school. Silently congratulate self on shout-free morning alone with kids.
8:15AM: Decide to treat self to “pairing” from Starbucks as reward for good behavior.
8:17AM: Refrain from asking for a Starbucks breakfast combo simply to annoy coffee girl. I mean, barista.
8:30AM-11:15AM: Work, work, work.
11:15AM: Head to Chik-Fil-A for overpriced platter of heart disease to take to kindergarten covered dish lunch. Exposure as nutritional failure when Boy Wonder races across playground shouting, “THE CHICKEN LADY IS HERE!!! THE CHICKEN LADY IS HERE!!!”
11:30A-12:30PM: Teeter around uneven asphalt playground in high heels. Wonder if I’m making sense to other parents.
12:30PM: Extraction from passionate Boy Wonder embrace; back to work.
12:45PM-1:15 PM: Surf Garnet Hill and Ann Taylor. Decide shopping while sleep-deprived = budget suicide. Switch to Go Fug Yourself.
1:15PM-5PM: Work, work, work.
5:00PM: Change clothes and leave work early to take Miss M to soccer practice.
5:20PM: Make executive decision to ditch soccer practice and take tired, hungry (did I mention surly?) Miss M directly home.
5:30PM-6:15PM: Miraculously concoct homemade tomato sauce, green beans, soy meatballs, and pasta. Clean entire kitchen. All in 45 minutes.
6:15PM: Exhort Boy Wonder and Miss M to eat miraculous food.
6:30PM: Head out to co-lead Miss M's Brownies meeting.
6:45PM-8:20PM: Discuss future camping trip with Brownies. Realize seven year-old girls already know more about camping than I do.
8:30PM: Home.
8:35PM: Entertain requests for dessert. Dispense popsicles.
8:45PM: Exhort children to get ready for bed and shoo upstairs.
9:00PM: Sit.
9:01PM: Sit.
9:02PM: Sit.
9:03PM: “MOM??? WHAT ARE YOU DOING???”