Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Devil's Tablet

The Spouse lost his new iPad yesterday, and naturally, he is very sad about it. While I do sympathize with the Spouse, and my thrifty inner Yankee hates to lose a valuable piece of equipment, I have a strange feeling of . . . relief. Relief because the annoying electronic device that hijacked all family time is finally gone. You see, my family had become obsessed with Apple's latest electronic toy. The most-asked question around our house of late hasn't been "How are you?" or "What do you want to do?," but "Who has the iPad?" After we got the iPad, Boy Wonder played with Legos less and Miss M read fewer books. The Spouse talked less. I think civility declined, too, because there were many, many arguments about who got to use the iPad, how long someone else had been using it, and who forgot to charge it. Also, the 500Jerk kids didn't get enough sleep, because they were getting up at unreasonably early hours to be first in line for the iPad. Efforts to interact with them were unavailing. They were like cavemen, crouched in the dark, hypnotized by the iPad's blue pulsing light. It was total mind control, brought to us by Apple.

So, I'm not sad to see the iPad go. The person who nabbed it from the Cracker Barrel where the Spouse left it can have the associated eye strain and loss in social connections. I'm pulling out board games, fluffing pillows, and paying my library fines so we can check out some new books. I'm going to slowly re-introduce the art of making conversation and encourage everyone to get more rest. I'm no longer thinking about buying an electronic gaming system for Christmas. In fact, the loss of the iPad makes me feel like the 500Jerk family has had an exorcism. I feel renewed.

Get thee behind us, iPad!

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