Right after the Spouse dropped an egg on the kitchen floor this morning:
Spouse: You're making me nervous!
500Jerk: Wait--you're saying it's MY fault you just dropped that egg?
500Jerk: How can that be my fault? You dropped it.
Spouse: You're too close to me. You're FOLLOWING me. And you're being critical.
500Jerk: And that caused you to drop the egg?
500Jerk: Just so you know--that makes no sense.
Spouse (leaping into air and landing on my toes): See? Doesn't that make you nervous?
500Jerk: But you LEAPT at me. And you're standing on my FEET.
Spouse: So, you see what I mean. Right? Right?